Can't Wait

When my nephew left for Guam in October 2012, I felt like I lost a limb. He was so much a part of our daily lives, that not having him around felt like I had been transported to an alternate universe filled with nothing but eerie silence. Gone was the tiny voice asking if it could have McDonald's chicken nuggets for dinner. There were no more tiny hands, tugging at my mother's blouse, coaxing her to buy a "medium-sized" Lego. His absence hit all of us hard. Especially my father. My nephew was his favorite person. He could do no wrong in my father's eyes. He missed his kakulitan, his watching the same movies over and over, his singing the same songs over and over, and eating the same food over and over. I cannot really speak for my brother, for he knows how to hide his pain. But I know he would move heaven and earth to get him back, if that's what's best for him.

Recently, thanks to Viber, my nephew has been calling us a lot. Now we know he's okay, so we're all happy with that. When it comes to children, adults have to put everything on the back burner - our pride, anger, resentment, and everything else that weighs us down. It's the children that matter. Their happiness, safety, and well-being.

In August we will all travel to Guam to see my nephew. I wish the clock would tick a bit faster. We love and miss you, Yeshua. See you very soon.

Happy birthday to my hubby

Picture taken in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia April 2013

Like what I posted on Facebook, happy birthday to the bestest hubbyest everest ( to the nth power!) Mahal na mahal kita! Bow!

Yesterday

 Photo by www.bestforbeauty.eu

Yesterday, I wore the perfume you gave me.

The whole day was spent polishing my thesis proposal, sorting out journal articles, making sure I had filled out the evaluation form correctly. I also read more journal articles about cyber relationships, the effects of cyber cheating on offline relationships, writing a memoir, the actual truth and the truth as one remembers it.

And then it was almost five pm. In an hour I was to go to Church to hear Mass and to pray for you. Everyday, for the whole month of July, our parish will be praying for you.

So at about five-thirty, I decided to take another shower. It had been a long, hot, humid day. The humidity made me wish for rain and typhoon. But guilt came soon after my mind had already released my wish out into the universe. Good thing the universe had not been listening.

After a quick shower, I opened a small cabinet in the bathroom where I keep all my perfumes. And there it was, the perfume you gave me some years ago, when you didn't really have to give me anything. I have always loved that perfume, using it sparingly since its scent calls for a specific mood or occasion. But every time I wear it, I love it. And it reminds me of you.

Yesterday, my husband created videos of this simulation game that he likes. Armed with a one-dollar microphone he had bought from CDR King, he recorded them while commentating. He told me to like the video, which I did, of course. I even told my friends about it.

When he turned on his tablet to check YouTube, he was so surprised to find out that he had opened your account instead. The last time he had opened YouTube using his tablet was when we were in the States a few months ago. And somehow, he had logged into your account. We looked at each other in disbelief. And then we felt sad.

Yesterday, I wore the perfume you gave me.

Happy birthday, Daddy

My dad, and the three chefs haha. My brother and his friends were thoughtful enough to cook lunch for us.



My brother Jun, Myq and Budoy



Mom and my sister Grace



My brother's girlfriend Anne and Myqee

It's always great to spend with family, and the fact that we don't get to do it often makes me appreciate moments like these even more.

You can rest now, Tito Edward

My uncle died today. He was the youngest among my father's siblings. He was a proud Thomasian, and a very talented one, too. He studied Fine Arts in college,  and I can still remember his drawing pads filled with portraits of different Hollywood stars.

I am deeply saddened by his death, although I know that now he doesn't have to suffer anymore. He was in so much pain, since the cancer had already spread to his bones. But he bore his pain with so much grace and dignity.

When I saw him last March, he was always in high spirits. He never uttered anything negative about his illness, or about anyone. He was happy in the company of his favorite teleserye characters, the ones that he would watch on ABS-CBN's The Filipino Channel.

On Sundays we would drive to church, as he still insisted on going, even though he knew God would understand his absence. Every week, a deacon from St. Christopher's Church, his parish, would go to his house to give him communion. God bless that deacon; his rewards are waiting for him in heaven.

I consider myself lucky, having had the chance to spend three weeks with him just this summer. I am sure he had a smile on his lips when he found out for certain that he was finally going to meet his Maker.

I remember sitting at the dining table with him when he said to me, "Who doesn't want to live? I still want to live. But if I die now, I would consider death the greatest blessing from God."

More Than Money

Photo taken from: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/68/Nail_Clippers.jpg

There are many things in life that I treasure. I love eating good food, hanging out with my friends, going to the movies with my husband, and traveling with my family. A guilty pleasure would be looking at pictures of expensive bags on Facebook and Instagram, drooling over things I could never afford, and perhaps, things I wouldn't buy even if I could afford them.

Who doesn't like having nice stuff? Who doesn't want to be filthy rich? We need money - that's a fact of life. But we only need it up to a certain point.

My husband and I watched Man of Steel a few days ago, and one of the scenes that touched me the most is the one where Clark's mother, after her house has been destroyed, gathers all the pictures she can find. She tells Clark that everything else can be replaced.

All material things can be replaced. But memories are sometimes more precious than gold.

A few months ago, my family and I went to the US to visit my uncle who has cancer. When we were there, my mother cooked for him and washed his clothes, since he could no longer do it himself. I remember us picking oranges from the tree in the backyard, and squeezing them so he'd have fresh orange juice. But the thing that I will never forget about that trip is when he asked me to clip his nails. I was happy to be able to do it for him, and thinking about it now chokes me up a little.

I know that we all know money isn't everything. I just feel like sometimes we tend to forget.

Mom's birthday giveaways

My mom turned 70 yesterday. Her friend made these tiny carrot cakes as giveaways. Happy birthday to the best mom in the world!

What She Found in His Wallet

It was an ordinary day. I was sitting in front of my laptop, tweaking my manuscript, making it publish-worthy. There was very little writing being done, more self-critiquing and deleting of words, a hundred at a time.

It was after lunch when my phone rang. My friend's frantic voice told me her father had been found on the couch, unconscious. He had been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, and that she was headed there with her younger brother.

Less than an hour later, we were all gathered in the hospital's emergency room. My friend was crying. Her father had died of a heart attack. His third. Her elder brother had rushed to go home to retrieve their father's wallet. It contained his senior citizen's card, which entitled him to a 20% discount at the hospital.

My friend's brother arrived moments later, eyes bloodshot, hair disheveled. He handed her  a tan leather wallet, the very same one my friend had bought in Florence the year before. She cried, as she held the wallet close to her. Her father loved her, and she knew it.

The wallet contained some paper bills and plastic cards. A typical wallet, if you ask me. My friend immediately looked for the senior citizen's card. She found more than what she was looking for.

My friend found herself staring back at her. Tucked in one of the wallet's compartments were pictures of her and her siblings.  Her father loved them, and they knew it. She cried again, this time comforted by her father's love. I cried with her, because I had been witness to that love.